Why I stuck to breastfeeding

Why I stuck to breastfeeding

As many of you may have read one of my firsts post about my breastfeeding journey, you may have wondered why I stuck through it when I could have given up and gave my son formula. Yes it was a painful beginning to my breastfeeding journey, but as I stuck to it I figured out what works best for me. Although my son gave up taking my breast due to a heavy flow, I did not give up giving him my breast milk. From breastfeeding I went straight to pumping and feeding him from a bottle.

Yes, I was stubborn in the beginning and to start even giving him my milk in a bottle was for some reason heartbreaking. Not only heartbreaking, but I also felt like I was letting myself down or not being the mom I was “supposed” to be. Breaking the bond of skin to skin. I knew all the benefits of breastfeeding and could not drop that for the sake of my son. My goal was, and still is, is to have my son be the healthiest he can be. And the thought of dropping breast milk for the ease of myself came across as selfish to me. When I say I badly wanted to give up, I mean I really wanted to and almost did. I was crying for days contemplating what to do and trying to justify it if I was to convert to formula. My husband was being as supportive as he could, but seeing me in such a down state regarding this issue, he was also trying to justify formula so that I could have the ease of mind.

And I did, I said “tomorrow I’m dropping everything.” But then tomorrow came and I put my emotions aside as I looked down on my son and knew he deserved the best I could offer. And I did have milk. I had ALOT of milk. So for me to give up what I had, in my eyes was upsetting. Those that struggle with their milk supply, that’s another story, where definitely your child needs to eat and if they aren’t getting enough then yes supplementing with formula is an option. But to me, a woman who was producing more than enough milk, to get rid of that, was like getting rid of gold. And therefore I couldn’t.

My son is now 14 months old and although I have stopped pumping several weeks ago, I still had a frozen supply left. I am almost out but right now at 14 months my son has been getting the best I could offer him- my breast milk.

Breastfeeding isn’t easy if you have an oversupply. And pumping isn’t easy if you don’t have a portable pump. But I guess this is where we learn to sacrifice for our children, God’s creation. Whom He has entrusted us to look after and raise. I wouldn’t change my decision of breastfeeding. As I currently am a month pregnant now, breastfeeding is still my go to for our second child, and I can only hope it starts off better the second time since I am more experienced and well informed. I’ll keep you updated on my current pregnancy in future posts. 😉

Becoming A Stay At Home Mom

Becoming A Stay At Home Mom

When you hear the words “stay at home mom,” what comes to mind? With the majority, I feel as if those words have a stigma attached to them. Many may think that stay at home moms do not work as hard as the moms that go back to work, they’re lazy, etc. Being a stay at home mom now, I would have to completely disagree with that statement and say we work just as hard.

Credits: https://mayahoodblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/stay-at-home-mom-worth.png

I never knew being a stay at home mom could be so tough. Between the cooking and cleaning, watching my son, going grocery shopping, putting him down for naps, doing the laundry, and trying to keep my sanity, I have had many days where I would just break down. I could not do it all. And having to accept the fact that I couldn’t always do it all was also difficult. I started to get sad and lonely. I loved my baby, and still do but finding time for myself was very difficult. Between my son’s nap times, I had to choose between finishing my cup of coffee, which was already cold by then, or doing the dishes or picking up his toys or catching up on laundry, or finally showering.

Sounds gross, I know! But as a stay at home mom with a child under one, taking a shower is no longer those prolonged moments where the warm water trickles down your skin as you soak in the steam. Showering is a one second thing while keeping an ear out if your baby starts to cry. I used to love long showers, as they were my moments of solitude, but now have become more of a chore for me, as I turn the water off every couple minutes to hear if my son is crying, while my husband is out working. Either that or I need to take one at night when I am already tired and exhausted from running around nonstop all day. I crave a bath.

As a stay at home mom, I have had many times where I felt isolated from the world, finding it hard to go out because of my newborn’s schedule. You start to feel social isolation from only talking baby talk and start to crave a mature conversation. Recently now, I have started to miss my job where I worked as an office manager at a chiropractor’s office. But, I know my importance being a stay at home mom, and how some working mothers wish they could spend more time with their children. I need to treasure this opportunity. Or somehow find a balance between the two.

I have started to miss my life of luxury where I could go wherever, whenever, for however long I wanted to. I wouldn’t change having my son, but it’s hard to keep from longing some “freedom.”

I have had times where I would resent my husband for being able to go to work as I imagined him laughing it up with his coworkers while installing floors. Little did I know that he had his own worries, providing for our family.

I will never regret being a stay at home mom due to the relationship and bond I am able to create with my son, but to the world out there that thinks we’re having a time of our lives soaking up the sun with our children, think again.

Nonetheless, I miss having no limitations. Now I just need to find other ways to find some time for myself and prioritize my own sanity over the dishes or the couple of toys scattered on the living room floor. The first few months are the hardest, as I also ran into some complications while breast feeding, which I have shared in another post.

https://innerthoughtsofmotherhood.com/2019/12/11/my-breastfeeding-journey/

All you mamas out there, can you relate? And comment if there is anything in particular that you would like me to write about or share.